Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:
- The whole thing all at once.
- One bite at a time.
- Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
- In little nibbles.
- Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee…).
- Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
- Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
- Just the cookie, not the inside.
- I just like to lick them, not eat them.
- I don’t have a favorite way because I don’t like Oreos.
2013’s 7th graders have wedding Pinterest boards. Depression and self-diagnosis has become mainstream. We have the ability to access any piece of information with a swipe of our finger across an oily LCD phone screen but we can’t retain any of that information. We rely on the advancement of…
Okay, girls. Grab a glass of water, or some coffee or tea or hot chocolate, and get comfortable. You’re about to hear something that you didn’t ask for.
First, just a little background and a disclaimer. I’m 24, I’m a woman, and I am NOT perfect. I’ve experienced life in a way that is incredibly unique, and I’ve had my share of heartache, loss, family/friends/school stress, and relationship woes and wins. But like I said. I’m not perfect. I just hope to shed some light onto some situations I observe in my life and online. That being said, this is just my general advice. Obviously not everything is tailored to every girl, but I pray that the things I write here stick somewhere in your brains and in your hearts.
First up: I’m seeing SO MUCH shameless begging on social media. Tweets lamenting “i just wish he’d talk to me #subtweet #misshim #solonely #foreveralone” etc…Now, I’m totally guilty of this as well. But think about how you feel when you see one of your peers tweeting these things. If you get a twinge of discomfort, and think “wow, she/he seems REALLY desperate right now,” chances are, people are seeing your tweets, and thinking the same thing. Take 10 seconds to think about what you’re going to say before you tweet it. If you think it sounds silly, re-think it.
Facebook posts ranting about super personal things are not good either. I know, I know “It’s my Timeline, and if you don’t like what I post, don’t look/get over it etc…” and I totally respect that. BUT it’s about more than just that, girls. It’s about how YOU appear to the people who see your status updates. You are all beautiful, and smart, and talented and wonderful young ladies. But when you post statuses that are littered with SUPER personal problems (boy or otherwise)…it makes you seem like you have no self-respect. My mom and my sisters were ALWAYS telling me that people like girls who are mysterious. I never understood that until I saw people posting all of their personal junk out in the open. Think of it this way: if a guy has done you wrong, and for whatever reason, you want him back…do you think posting “omg my heart is in a million pieces and i’m gonna spend the next five days under the covers crying and listening to [insert favorite sad-time music here] and wait for him to call. why isn’t he calling? WHAT DID I DO??” is really going to get his POSITIVE attention? No. In fact, he’ll see that and think “wow, she’s a emotionally hot mess, and I’m a young guy who can’t get his own life together, so…good thing I got rid of her.” And then he probably won’t call. He probably won’t message. And you’ll just hurt even more. And, yes. that sucks. And yes, it’s ok to cry. But broadcasting every detail of your heartache to the world is only going to make yourself look desperate and will give the impression that you have very little self-respect.
Which brings me to my next point: Self-respect. I’m not going to sit here and preach about pictures and modesty and cleavage (but if you want my opinion on those things, I’ll be glad to share it…), I’m referring to words. Basically, see the previous two paragraphs. But also, a few general rules to live by on Social Media AND real life:
#1: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. (Seriously.)
#2: What Susie says of Sally, says more of Susie than of Sally. (If you’re talking smack about a friend online or otherwise, imagine how YOU sound. Do YOU like to hang out with people who trash talk their friends?)
#3: “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” (I know life is hard, and I know rumors and other people can be vicious. BUT 1000% OF THE TIME, conflicts can be avoided if they are taken off of social media, and dealt with in real life. Think before you post baby daddy, bff, boyfriend, friend group, church, or family drama on Facebook. It makes people uncomfortable, and it’s not only a reflection on the people you speak about, but also on yourself. And the goal here is to have respect for ourselves, right? Right.)
#4: Respect starts with yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, others will have a hard time respecting you. Be confident with who you are in Christ. He is the only man you ever need validation from, and you got that over 2000 years ago when he died on the cross for your sins. That’s a concept that isn’t a once and done thing, trust me. I’m still figuring it out. And you know, I don’t know If we’ll ever get it 100%, but until then, there are a few things we can do:
“Standing up straight is NEVER wrong.” -C.S. Seriously…stand up straight. The way you carry yourself speaks VOLUMES to people who see you. Approaching someone who is slouched, and inverted (and not because of a medical condition), is awkward. Carry yourself tall and confident. Look people in the eyes when you speak. It will literally change how you feel about yourself, and that will change how you appear to others.
“Loving yourself isn’t just about loving your body. It’s about loving your soul.”-St. Augustine. I encourage you: every time you look in the mirror, pick something physical that you like about yourself. And then, pick a character trait, or quirk that you like about yourself. Say it out loud. For me it would be “I like my hands, and my racially ambiguous eye shape. I also like that I’m passionate about theatre education because I can have a lasting impact on kids’ lives. I also like that I’m situationally funny.” Find something you like about yourself, and highlight it throughout the day. Maybe that means doing an extra dramatic smokey-eye before you leave the house, or appropriately timed jokes throughout the day to make your friends laugh. Dwell on the good. Show the good to others. Love your soul.
“You can never be overdressed or overeducated.”-Oscar Wilde
A: Read/research/study about things that you’re interested in! If you like a certain band, read about their history, and then branch out and read about who influences them! If you like a certain time period, watch movies that take place during that era. You would be surprised at how much you can learn just by watching PBS or the History Channel for an hour a day. B: Put together good outfits. Your style and your tastes will change, and that is such a fun thing to witness/realize. I HATED wearing skirts in high school. Now, I can’t wait to go places where skirts are acceptable! 14 year old me is appalled, but 24 year old me knows that I look awesome. Google search how to put outfits together….this doesn’t mean you have to blow $$$ on expensive clothes. Just shop your closet! Self respect starts within, but it also needs to be reflected on the outside.
Finally: Never, EVER be afraid to ask for help/advice/prayer etc…I wish I had grown up with older women who I could trust and talk openly to. Now that I’m the older woman, I yearn to encourage younger girls. And now, thank God, I have several women I admire and talk with. I would encourage you to do the same. Life is hard, and trying to push through by yourself can be daunting and practically impossible. My inbox is always open, and I am a judgement-free zone for ranting, complaining, bragging, whining, etc… or if you just need someone to say hi to. You all are so incredible, and have such bright futures ahead of you.
I love you all.
if you’re ever feeling overdramatic just remember that zelda fitzgerald once threw herself down a flight of marble stairs at a party because her husband was talking to someone else
On February 18th, 2007, our world grew dim. No one ever expects to lose someone, especially senior year of high school. We were invincible…or so we thought. Had I not JUST sat next to her in chorus and sang “Give Me Jesus” three days before? Heaviest day of my life, to date. Alisha was far too young, and those memories of the following days have stayed with me all of these years. I often wondered what God was teaching me then.
Fast forward to February 4th, 2013. Reports of a young man being hospitalized. No one ever expects to lose someone, especially someone they only knew for a short while. Had these men not JUST gathered and sang together three days before?
There are obvious differences here, but I think I know now what lesson God was teaching me: grief affects different people in different ways. But empathy and sympathy will always remain consistent, no matter what…they might even be stronger when someone you love goes through something similar to your previous experience.
It’s one thing to say “I know how you feel,” but something COMPLETELY different to say “I know how you feel because I’VE been there.”
This is not to say that you should remain silent even if you haven’t been through the same thing; offering an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or just your presence or requested absence can sometimes be more than enough to show someone you care.
Life is hard, friends, and loss can be devastating. Hug the ones you love today.